" A Cautionary Tale

When I first found this game, I was immediately engrossed to the tactical and negotiation that takes place in the games. I was very much in the camp of people who play and stab for the chance at the solo. I spent an entire summer playing live games on webdip. Eventually, the other aspects of the site, and the nature of some of the players convinced me to move exclusively to Olidip. The variants were a nice change of pace and the community was refreshingly smaller. I had fun, I began interacting more with others in the forums, we began to give it character.

At a certain point, Olidip became Vdiplomacy. The site was better than ever. In celebration, we created a chaos game. This proved to be the beginning of a line of games and the creation of our new group, dubbed the SPicy hAMs. Being part of that group added something to this site outside of the games and I had people to talk to. People I would spend hours talking to in games, even with no diplomacy going on.

Afterwards, I began meeting other people here. People who, in contrast, I did not like. People who, I began actively planning games around just to defeat them. This was a very dangerous choice. It led to me losing diplomatic sensibility, I was fighting against these people for reasons outside the game. And while some of the other players helped give me someone to talk to and share my discontent, it was still too much. Towards the end of my high school senior year, this was reaching such a point, I decided I needed to leave. The negativity was overpowering any positives I had about the game. I finished my games, said my goodbyes and left, but with the idea that I may return.

And return, I did. I was looking for the thrill of the game once me. but more so, I wanted to interact again with the people who made this site fun. I got quite a warm reception from the people I left. I even found that one of the players I had disliked missed me. Things were going back to normal, once again, I could spend hours talking to other players and enjoy myself. However, the fun was short lived. I was in a game that I played like any other. At a certain point I had to stab someone. I had stabbed countless people before. I had them, as always, get angry and try to tell me how I screwed up my entire game by stabbing them. Sometimes they were right, sometimes they were wrong. But this person... Was not like the others I stabbed. This was someone I was connected to. The aforementioned person I could spend hours talking to. One of the people who consoled me during the stress that preceded my previous leave. I had even joined a game with a CD'd country because he asked me.
Then came the game where I made a choice. I stabbed this player, and though I was prepared for what would come next.

I was not.

His reaction, I can't say it was much different from what I had seen before, it was not more hurtful, not more resentful, but yet... I cried... It was the only time this game brought me to tears. It had dawned on me at that point, that the history we shared on this site, caused a type of trust not healthy for this game. It was then that I realized the situation. He was following me, he had built his game around the trust on me. And I ruined it...

I felt I lose something at that moment... something hard to get back. Something that a freaking GAME took away. and while some are going to argue its only a game, it still brought out a horrid emotion. Once more, the negative feelings are overpowering what I used to like about this game. what had drawn me into this game. This time though, it is in the game itself. I finally know that this game is not for me. Give me the purely tactical elements, the relations are too much. I have blurred the line in my mind and no longer can play this game with the integrity it was suppose to have.

It is with these words that I take my final leave. The first time I left out of necessity, now I leave out of desire. If this game can give me such horrible feelings, it is not one I can continue playing. I leave this here only as a warning for anyone who reads it to understand the intangible risks of this game."

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